I came across this recent poll and found it deeply thought-provoking. What heightens this so much is the timing of it all, as I prepare to welcome the Class of 2030 (I know...insane, right?) to campus as a student-affairs practitioner.
As the days move toward on-campus move-in day, new student orientation, and so many transitional moments for higher education students, I've also found my inbox at work slowly being taken over by, yes...parents.
Over the past couple of years, I've experienced a steady increase in parent participation in student life. This summer has been particularly significant. stark rise in parents asking questions and seeking answers regarding on-campus life - not the incoming students. Most of my emails before classes began have been from parents asking about student expectations.
And yes, part of that is due to the current distrust in the higher education space.
Nonetheless, the recent findings from this poll have started to feel a bit more real...and alarming! Here a few key takeaways from the article.
- 1 in 5 survey participants reported that a parent had contacted a potential employer or recruiter for them
- 20% shared that a parent had joined them for a job interview (including 15% in-person and 5% virtually)
- 18% said their parents had provided direct advice on negotiation
- 10% of parents have negotiated directly with the Gen Z child’s employer
There's a lot here. Like, a lot to unpack!
As the growing gap in student readiness, and more so, the independence preparedness of our youth continues to grow, I find myself examining just that...am I preparing my kids to be independent?
Dude, that is the point of parenting!
My kids are far off from these stages, but I see plenty of aspects and situations in my profession that often trigger my parenting. This recent poll and the growing experiences of parental involvement have pushed that forward. They have brought about concerns and plenty of fears. Concerns and fears - such a driver for us as parents.
Just a few of these fears and constant thoughts from this Dad:
Solve Everything - Find Your Own Answers
It's easy to want to solve everything for your kids. I constantly fight this battle.
"I'm boreeeeddddd!"
"I can't get this to workkkkkkkk".
"Daddeeeeeeeeee, can you puhhhhhhleeeeease helpppppp meeeeeeeee!"
As dad, I want to be Superman. I really do. But I'm trying to balance that line between genuinely allowing them to believe and trust that I will be there if they need support, AND forcing them to think, explore, try, and overcome on their own merit.
Can I be both? Are we supposed to be?
From the Mud...(or From Somewhere?)
I grew up in Brooklyn, NY, with immigrant parents who turned a dime into a dollar at every turn. I don't want that for my kids. But I do want the empathy and perspective that experience brought me in my life. I know that giving them what I didn't have, and still hoping for that very perspective, are dueling wishes that likely aren't a reality.
As I've grown and navigated phases of social progression, I've always tried to maintain that perspective, that chip on my shoulder.
I don't know what that looks like for both of my sons. My experience is far different than them, and I notice that all the time...and everytime I they have something that I didn't. That they experienced (or didn't/won't) that I didn't?
Where do my boys get that grit from?
Think! Think! Think!
My boys are suburban kids. My oldest likes to brag to his friends that he was born in Brooklyn, but he doesn't exhibit any of the qualities or characteristics of a kid from the BK.
Street smarts...or those innate intangibles that city kids gain likely won't be with my kid. I've accepted that.
However, especially in relation to that poll, I want to ensure that my boys can think through any situation with independence. Critical thinking is a lost art, and so many of my tough experiences sharpened my thought process.
I'm constantly pushing and forcing them to think through scenarios, or simply asking, "Why would you do that?"
But I genuinely wonder if I'm getting through? Am I leading, or are they very much thinking through that scenario, reasoning with success, on their own?
Embrace Challenges and Disappointments
I want my kids to fail. Is that terrible?!
They need to fail. They have heartbreak. Yet, that hurts to see them go through that. They need that moment - such a pivotal moment - where they give it their all, dedicate themselves to something, and it doesn't work out.
How do they handle it? More importantly, how do I handle it...correctly?!
Complete Communication
I already embrace and push it with them. For the Caribbean folks, you've been through these teachings:
Say hello to everyone.
You enter any room or space, you say "good morning", "good afternoon", or "good evening"
Adults are not your friends. You say "Mr or Ms." or you simply say "Sir, or Ma'am".
You look the person you are communicating with in the eyes.
The basics. But also, you choose your words wisely. But you choose your words!
Today's culture has sapped and reduced communication to soulless, often incomplete forms of communication.
I'm often trying to mirror this framework. Often, we already question communications or words shared AFTER we've said them.
I now find myself wondering: did I say the right thing to that person (or in that moment)...was he listening?
As we know, kids hear everything.
---
Regardless, I know that I will never find myself in a job interview with either one of them.
Nahhhh uh, ain't gonna happen!!!
However, I'm more so heightened to ensure they'll be prepared for those moments and situations where they need to leave what we were able to give them.
And if they aren't, my wife and I failed. And that is the greatest fear of them all.