Skip to main content

Dome Pondering Import - FUNK’S CORNER – The Clairvoyant and Jeff Jarrett By: Dory Funk Jr.

Here is an article that I ran across written by Dory Funk. Jr, a legend in the wrestling business and current trainer and mentor for many seeking to enter the industry. Funk, who regularly writes a column for TNAwrestling.com, sheds light on the culture of the wrestling industry, its demands, its evolution, and his feelings. A very short compact column, but one that is very concious of his love and passion for the business.


FUNK’S CORNER – THE CLAIRVOYANT AND JEFF JARRETT
By Dory Funk, Jr


If only a clairvoyant would have told me how it was going to be the day I asked my father if I could become a professional wrestler.

This clairvoyant would have told me that I was about to embark on a wild and crazy life. This life would earn me a good living, but for that good living, the following is what I was about to go through:

I would be slammed to the wrestling mat hard, 50,000 times. I would bleed and spill lots of blood more than a thousand times. (many transfusions worth) Time and again wrestling fans would come to me with handkerchiefs just to sop up a little of my blood and see if it was real.

To earn this good living, I would drive 2,500,000 miles and fly an additional 12,500,000 miles. I would receive 275 tickets for speeding.

I would have multiple near air accidents traveling to cities including engine failure, fuel exhaustion, fire and worst of all, on a private plane on final approach to San Angelo Texas, Dusty Rhodes would get air sick and vomit all over the windshield while I was flying the plane.

While on the road traveling I would drink 360,000 cans of beer. I would also drink innumerable shots of vodka, rum, whiskey, scotch, wine, gin, tequila, an anise flavored Greek liquor called ouzo and on occasion, pure grain alcohol. I would have 3,250 hangovers and take twenty-five years to figure out, "That was ridiculous."

I would argue, fight, talk, and demand respect for this business only to have it renamed "Sports Entertainment."

I would purchase the obligatory Halliburton bag, expensive watch, exotic skin cowboy boots, sports car and as is the case with many wrestlers, I would get a divorce.

I would get hit over the head with a chair thousands of times.

I would wrestle a barbed wire match with my brother and everyone at ringside would throw their chairs at Terry and I, filling the ring with chairs and we thought, "This is really fun."

Many dear friends in the wrestling business younger than me would die.

I would coach a class of young wrestlers and none of them would know the terms: carpenter, crow bar, Pat O'Connor Roll up, ring general, cement mixer, Broadway, or how to speak Carney. They thought Kay Fabe was a female wrestler on the card next week.

If this clairvoyant would have told me all this would happen to me, I would have turned tail and run and all my Daddy would have seen was my ass going in the opposite direction, fast!

NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The truth is I wish The Lord would give me just one more lifetime so I could do it all over again.

Recently Read Posts

Sunday Sundown Rundown - 1/17/22

3 Up 1. Dr. King Weekend - I love this weekend, because, I'm just a big fan of Dr. King. Sure, this is the weekend of many who will ill-use his quotes, water down his message and purpose, and hold up his work in such a way to accommodate and support their message - at times, it's comical.  However, it's a weekend to be reminded, to reflect, and to celebrate his life. Don't ever forget, Dr. King was hated during his time. He was killed for fear of what he would bring to America. Let's not forget that as we reflect this weekend. 

WWE Day 1 Review: Back to the WWE Product

I immediately warn you, this review will be skewed. Why? Well, yours truly hasn't followed the WWE product since Summerslam. I just haven't been interested in any way through 2021, and finally, I stopped hanging on with the hope that the product will hook me. I just simply gave up. There is too much out there to wait.  RAW has been atrocious - I don't even skim through the DVR recordings anymore unless something pops up in the general wrestling news feed worth seeing. Smackdown will typically and occasionally get a fast-forward style of viewing (mainly due to having to see Roman Reigns' work), and NXT feels more and more like a product that is Triple-A baseball - it's okay, but I can spend time invested into other products.  So yeah, I've been out of the loop. And this review surely will reflect that. However, with a new year (and a lazy Saturday Night), I gave the WWE my time and interest. I wasn't disappointed. And this is good heading into the Royal Rumbl

IMPACT Hard to Kill 2022 Review: "Mickie is in the Rumble. ROH is here. Wild times, Yo"

IMPACT Wrestling kicked off their 2022 campaign with big noise that made waves throughout pro wrestling and has now set them up for some intriguing things ahead. Before this event even took to the airwaves, there was the subtle, yet huge bomb, that was the voice of Pat McAfee on FOX announcing Mickie Jam...err, excuse me...IMPACT Knockout champion, Mickie James, would be in the Women's Royal Rumble. Yes, that's wrestling in 2022. Like you, I too was stunned. I sat there with Smackdown as backdrop entertainment, just to snap up wide-eyed and amazed, rewinding it, over and over again. You know, just to make sure I wasn't going crazy. So yeah... And then of course Hard to Kill happened. And this event continues to be such a fitting name for a company that truly embodies that slogan as it moves forward. Right now, that includes acknowledgment from the industry leader on national television, as well as offering up a metaphorical couch to its one-time rivals in ROH, for them to c

Sunday Sundown Rundown - 1/9/21

3 Up 1. Justice for Ahmaud Arbery - It won't bring Ahmaud back. It won't right the wrong done. I'm not even sure if it provides solace for his loved ones. However, having those three men finish their lives in prison is the most that could have been done. Kudos to Judge Timothy Walmsley and the point he made by holding a minute of silence to prove it was just a fraction of how long they chased Arbery.  2. Sidney Poitier - I learned about Poitier through a film class in High School. To this day, I'm thankful for a teacher to recognize the greatness of black actors and the contributions of others to the entertainment industry. From "To Sir with Love" to "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner", I adored his work, and him as a person. A life well-lived.