Skip to main content

The Unity Road Writings - Pre-Show Butterflies

10 days to go. 

If the idea of getting married hasn't begun to settle in, and creating that surreal feeling as described in my last entry of this series (Ring of Honor), then today surely would have.

After getting used to the idea of the wedding band physically, aesthetically, and symbolically, the tag team partner and I headed down to the City Clerk's office of New York City this morning to acquire an affidavit for our marriage license, set to be signed, approved, and official on September 23rd. 

So while 9.24, the Wrestlemania, the big day, the main event is the focus, somehow, my unity road tunnel vision has moved ahead twenty-four hours to when the true responsibility begins:

September 23rd, 2011. 

For what seems like months now, co-workers, friends, and family have constantly asked me the question that somehow has negatively become associated with marriage in today's society - are you nervous, yet?

And while I am not nervous in the sense of "giving away my life/freedom" as most jest, I'll be a huge liar if I stated that I didn't have any fears. 

I'll be the first person to admit my fears. No need for me to play the macho-I-am-not-afraid-of-anything-role here. I am afraid of failure. I am afraid of never meeting my potential. I'm afraid of the Boston Red Sox winning the World Series. Heck, I'm afraid of mice. I hate those little critters. 

Just to name a few.

If fear makes me any less of a man's man - I apologize. I'm human. 

And similar to any human, I have fears. 

And there are several things that do scare me heading into 9.23. 

I'm afraid of not being able to provide for my wife and eventually, family

That's not a statement built on a lack of confidence, but one of reality. Like any other honorable man, I want to be able to provide my soon-to-be wife with best life possible. That doesn't necessarily have to be material things, but a quality of life in which she never yearns for anything. 

I'm afraid of not being able to lead my wife and eventually, my family

I'm no leader. I'll admit this right away. I've never been a rah-rah type of guy, nor have I ever been one to grab the group by the horns to lead in crisis. I'm a laid back guy that usually isn't bothered by much, except for the management of my beloved New York Knicks. 

However, being loud in certain moments, and leading my household in crisis' that are sure to arise are things I will have to do. I will have to be able to lead by example physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

I'm afraid of leading an Ungodly household

I'm a person of faith. I'm sure you DP devotees are very much aware of that. A household that puts it's faith and trust in Jesus is one that is very - very - important to me. One that is essential in surviving all of the trials and tribulations that life will bring. 

My tag team partner, who was once in a lost place, spiritually, has now begun to turn the corner, and that is something I want to continue to support. I've spent the last year assuring that this is a fear which will never become a reality. 

I'm afraid of losing us

There is no denying that marriage brings much repsonsibility and an added level of teamwork. Often forgotten are the elements that created such great chemistry in the beginning. I'm afraid of one day losing that spark that made us who we are -  weird and quirky. I wouldn't ever want to change that. 

While that is a responsibility for the both of us, I find a great responsibility in keeping my end of the bargain. I'd hate to become that guy that becomes complacent in their marriage. 

So yes, there are great fears. Fears, which are now increasingly becoming present as 9.24 9.23 approaches. However, as with every step in life, and just like every other notch on this unity road, life brings us new reveals, new challenges, and the just mentioned, new fears. 

However, just like every other reveal, challenge, and fear I've had in my life, I plan on meeting them, one-by-one, step-by-step, and day-by-day.

For in 10 9 days, with one big swoosh of a pen in my right hand, it'll be away with the butterflies, for it will be showtime.

Recent Favorites

Quick Ponder: Personal Value

Understand your value.  Be careful of where you invest it. 

Turning 39 - One Last Go-Around in My 30s

I turn 39 today, and everything I read in regards to such a "milestone" is that it's dealing with the anxiety of turning 40. The big 4-0!  Yet, I sit here punching the keys completely unaware of fears, trepidations, and emotions towards the future. Instead, I find myself immersed in the present - in exactly that, 39. I also find myself slightly looking back on the road to get here - my final year in my 30s.  I look back on my thoughts on turning 30 ( Praying on a Cool Thirty ) and, ironically, I very much vibe and can feel the essence of where I was at the time. At the time, turning thirty meant a whoooooooooooole sort of different expectations and responsibilities. I am in that same place - a center of gratitude for the journey. My 30s have been a ride.  For me, I became a father, and I lost my father. I lost one of my best friends, yet, I gained another in my son - and then a second one just recently. I finished coursework on my second Masters degree, and I also watch

Quick Ponder: Health, Happiness, and Tina Turner

Moving into  this phase of  health, my family's happiness,  and that Tina Turner "Proud Mary" transition-dancing kind of joy.