--22 Weeks Old (Before Birth)--
Dear Son,
As the weeks go by, the reality of YOU is beginning to settle just a bit more. I still don't think I fully understand it all yet, or even comprehend the transition that is taking place in my life right now in awaiting your arrival in a few months, but I am appreciating the journey. I am already seeing subtle changes in me, not overt lifestyle amendments - although, I'm sure that's to come - but simply, a renewed vigor of happiness, and of course, an all new mindfulness perspective.
After all, I see how happy you make your mom. I can't understand this current stage. How can I? I'm not connected to you as she currently is - obviously - but you make her happy. And that makes me happy. And ultimately, it all makes me happy.
But really, at 22 weeks, it's the "what ifs" and the thoughts and ideas of what I do, and who I am, and the lessons I've learned, and subtle things like the way I do things, or act, or sleep, or my mannerisms, or whatever that makes me, are all constant reminders that cause forward thinking. It's the kind of forward thinking that deepens the imagination on all the things I realize are an option - like really an opinion. I'm not referring to hyperbole or mere figurative speak like when you mention "your future kid" before the possibility of really having a kid. These thoughts flow a bit deeper, and are literal thoughts of what could be.
It's those short seconds of thought and imagination that give burst to my excitement.
The idea of watching a ball game with you.
Wondering who will be the Hulk Hogan, or Stone Cold Steve Austin, or John Cena of your generation as a pro wrestling fan.
The thought of how you will handle your first encounter with social justice and social inequality. Will you be like me and be super curious? And how I will manage my eagerness to see your perspective on the world not just as a person of color, but as a bi-racial identified individual.
Whether you would even want to inherit my heartbreaking fandom of the New York Knicks.
Will you have your Mother's smile?
Would you shock us both and of course be the morning person among us?
Will you be tall? And how tall?
Whose traits will you have?
And really, I can go on, and on, and on, and on.
With each thought and action these days, it's all accompanied by a brief moment of wild imagination of what the future holds for you. Whether it's upon birth, or years from now, it's hard for me not to wonder ponder. I can't contain these thoughts.
Heck...will you write like a mad man like me? I hope so.
It's just all so exciting. I surely won't have the experience of your mom over the next couple of months in feeling you move and being connected to you. I just don't think a man ever will, or really has. But I do think without that experience, it leaves so much to the imagination.
And after 22 weeks, that imagination right now is my driving force. I look forward to experiencing how it refines itself in the weeks to come.
Sincerely,
Your having-way-too-much-going-on-in-the-head Dad
Your having-way-too-much-going-on-in-the-head Dad