Skip to main content

Remaining Vulnerable

Today marks one year since I had to let my hero leave this earth. 

March 13th will always be a VERY complex day for me going forward as the death of my father will very much be significant with the day. Especially the time of 1:58pm, his death, and 2:02pm, when I received the phone call from the doctor that he had gone home. 

I'll spare you the details of that horrifying day, but if you're interested, you can read HERE

Today, I made my way back to Brooklyn to do something that I rarely do - see my dad at the cemetery. I've only visited once before since his burial for two reasons - one, being that we are still in the middle of a pandemic, and two, well, I truly believe my dad is with me, and not stationed at this burial site. The cemetery simply serves as a memorial site. 

Nonetheless, it was very telling of how my 2020 had gone as I visited three of my favorite guys in one trip. All three passing away in 2020, and all three, calling the same cemetery home to their memorial sites. I made my way driving and walking around the cemetery dropping off flowers, touching up the gravesites, and talking to each of them as I did so. 

All the while, the aura of death, mainly fresh, death surrounded me. With upwards of six funeral processions carrying on, it was hard not to let your mind and heart feel, wonder, and ponder into realms and spaces you try to keep shut. I sauntered by a nearby burial procession trying to hide my six-foot-five-inch frame and informal attire of sweats and sneakers among the mass of black suits and dark dresses, to squat at the site of my good friend Quincy. Not yet exuding a headstone to capturing his large personality, the gravesite was disheveled from the previous night's high winds. The site was eerily still fresh, with the raised dirt still visible - unlike the sites of the other two who passed away around the same time. 

As I cleaned up Q's site, propping up and reconfiguring some of the already planted but trampled and distressed flowers there, I placed a single purple flower at the top of his grave, Quincy was a huge Prince fan. As I walked away, an elderly couple walking away from one of the many funerals happening made eye contact, with the elderly woman saying, "we weren't being nosy, but couldn't help but notice you have to make several trips. We're so sorry." I reciprocated their gesture with a more fresh one as their mourning lied heavier than mine at that moment. 

We didn't have to discuss the details of this burden. Two passing strangers could easily look into each other's eyes, unaware of what the other looks like due to pandemic mask-wearing, and instantly feel the void the other has. Understands the searching that commences unfruitfully every so often. 

I've learned over the past year that being vulnerable is an insane power. And since March 13th, 2020, and the series of deaths that have happened prior to and after that date, I've embraced vulnerability. Why fear it? And really, the death of so many around you can make you feel life like you haven't before. A mere appreciation for it. And the understanding that we are mere dust.

I wish I could tell you where I am in coping with the death of my dad. I really don't know, because I don't know what the steps are, or what the healing process is. Does it even exist? Does carrying this transform into something else, at some point? Again, I don't know. 

However, what I did learn from my trip to Canarsie Cemetery is indeed the vulnerability and blessing that is life. And March 13th will probably forever remind me of that - to remain grounded and humbled in this life. 

As my father always used to say - Love God. Work hard. Laugh lots. And treat everyone well, that's it. 

Recent Favorites

Dome Pondering Movie Review: The Incredibles 2 (2018)

What is it about? The Parr family returns to take on a new mission which involves a change in family roles as well as a new villain. Who is in it? Craig T. Nelson - Bob Parr/Mr. Incredible Holly Hunter - Helen Parr/Elastagirl Sarah Powell - Violet Parr Favorite Scene: After trying to contain Jack-Jack, his constant battle with a backyard rodent opens up the family to the multitude of powers that he possesses, or even, can develop. Favorite Quote: "If you wanna get out of the hole, first you gotta put down the shovel." Review: Like many, I LOVED the original Incredibles film. And yes, I too was annoyed whenever a sequel wasn't announced. After all, there were many franchises that debuted, got a sequel, and even moved straight to release on their third installment before our lovable heroic family got their turn! But I digress... Nonetheless, it finally arrived. And if I'm being honest, The Incredibles 2 was good. It just wasn't what I wa

AEW All IN: London (2023) Review: "This large of a crowd for an event that wasn't the WWE!"

I'm obviously registering these thoughts incredibly late, but such is the current state of pro wrestling right now - there is just so much going on, and so much to enjoy. It's a great time to be a fan, regardless of where your tribalism fandom falls - if you carry such allegiances.  I'm sure no matter what product you find entertaining, you circled AEW's All In event from Wembley Stadium as a must-watch. I don't care about someone else's "take" on the attendance total - I couldn't care less if it was the record for a pro wrestling event or not - what AEW was able to accomplish is absolutely amazing! Four years in, and the company produced an event on the levels of Wrestlemania in terms of attendance and business - that's damn impressive! Tony Khan and the entire company deserve loads of credit for taking that leap because it very much could have failed. They took a chance, and absolutely delivered (and so much more), and proved there is a subs

Sunday Sundown Rundown - 8/20/23

3 Up 1. Lahaina Community Promise - After everything we've seen in Hawaii and the wildfires in Hawaii, sometimes it feels "too early" to discuss the future, or the shift that can take place going forward. Kudos to the Governor who ensured this week that the Lahaina Community will have a say in the area's rebuild. We won't say it out of respect to the present, but the area is ripe for transition with tourists and other types of gentrification.  2. Spain, Women's World Cup - A big win this week as the women of Spain wrap up the Women's World Cup with a 1-0 victory over England.  3. Netflix Suits - I watched Suits when it aired on the USA Network and consider it one of my favorite TV Shows, ever. Seeing its renaissance on Netflix has been cool. Even more so, watching it (alongside another favorite in Bluey) at the center of the changing dynamics of television-watching culture has been interesting.  3 Down 1. Extreme Weather - Another week, more crazy weather