The Unity Road Writings – End Of This Road, On The Road

174 days to go.

I received some really interesting news not too long ago and it really got the wheels in my head turning.

Ever since this wedding has been put together, I’ve slowly realized that I had to actually invite family and friends. Yeah, I know, imagine that, huh? As we move closer to the fall, my realization has grown into concern.

As we constantly and consistently run through the invite list, I grow with a subtle embarrassment, concern, intrigue, and reflection. See, my tag team partner, who has an amazing caring family, is all about Family. And I don’t blame her one bit for being so. Her family is one that is huge, and very close.

My family? It’s big, yes. However, I have no clue where or who they are.

My family, the majority who are of West Indian decent from the island of St. Vincent, are not your average, or even basic for that matter, type of family. Unlike most, the family connection line within my family is very broad and limited at best. And while I won’t lie, like many families, there are a few fall outs that have caused a lack of connection, with the main reason being simply due to geographic proximity.

Despite the origins, my family is broadened across the globe in various cities, countries, and yes, even continents. Due to such heavy migration and the colonial status of St. Vincent until 1979, many of my close relatives live abroad, with some never ever being more than a name told to me by my parents. Such places include various Caribbean islands, England, New Zealand, Australia, Bermuda, Canada, and various states throughout America.

And because of that, I’ve dreaded a poor showing on my part for this wedding. And with this wedding in Syracuse, pretty much on the road for those who I do know here in New York City, it puts me that much more behind the eight ball.

So with the news that one of my uncles from St. Vincent may be able to attend this event on 9.24.11 you can imagine how that could cause one in this situation to feel. While, most of you, probably all of you, are wondering why I am stating this, it is because such a possibility is a big deal. Actually, a very big deal for my family, and for myself.

With such an upbringing, yours truly has really never had the experience of visiting family, or even the meaning of relying on extended family. Once again, I know of my family, but never knew them. And honestly, it’s neither the fault of theirs or mine, it’s just the way the good Lord structured my life.

I probably have no idea what “family” means, and I'm very sure I don’t. As weird as it may sounds, I find it hard to believe in the concept of someone being related to me. And if they are, they might as well be a stranger.

Due to this estranged family set-up I’ve had, I’ve grown very close to my parents. Because quite honestly, they are the only ones I’ve ever had that I can trust, and has always been there for me. They are my family.

And because of this estranged and distant family, I have somehow created this close inner circle between my parents and I. No one else could be let in. I live to make them proud.

Reflecting on it now, one could said it’s reasons like these are why I learned to be on my own, independent, and never susceptible to growing trends or the proverbial peer/social pressure. Reasons like this is where I learned to keep things to myself, bottle them up, or  put them into words here on the DP.

It’s the root of my reasons for never looking for or wanting attention of any kind. Maybe it’s because I knew my true audience, was that of two – my mom and dad. My inner circle.

So yes, I view 9.24.11 in Syracuse as a road game for my family. As if we ever had a home. Yet, I’ve accepted that my representation will be outnumbered by my tag-team partner’s.

However, with the announcement of my uncle possibly making the trip, and several others connected to me in various ways such as neighbors or some of my good friend’s parents, I’ve realized that I’ve placed too much emphasis on the relational part of the term “family”.

Blood may be thicker than water, but love is thicker than blood.

And yes, I did just quote Garth Brooks. Didn’t think I had that in me, huh?

Nonetheless, as the end of this road appears to be on the road, I’m slowly coming to grips with family, it’s meaning, and of course, its reasoning.

And yet the irony of it all, regardless of blood type, origin, and DNA, everyone in that building on 9.24.11 at the end of the night, will be family in some way, shape, or form.

And yes, my inner circle, will be one person larger.