Skip to main content

Dear Son, Fear and Hope


--26 Weeks Old (Before Birth) --

Dear Son, 

I write this notice in the midst of a thoughtful conundrum. See, this weekend, your mom and I watched thousands of people rally in Washington D.C. and around the world against gun violence and the fight for a change in how guns affect our lives in this country. 

I know, you're only 26 weeks into existence, and here I am punching the keys on my laptop to you about something you probably won't understand until ten years from now. But I have to - the way I've always looked at the world has always been different, and of course, with you on the way - that lens is shifting again. 

I can't help but think of the world your mother and I are bringing you into. The world can often be so beautiful as we both know it to be from our travels, and the people we've met abroad, and of course, the various cultures and ethnicities we continue to want to throw ourselves into here in New York City. Yet, it can be a vile, disgusting, and disappointing place. Especially, when us, the people, are responsible for it. 

But, yeeaaaaaah...this world does play on my mind. And it's the world you'll be calling home in just a few months. 

But after this weekend, I find myself grappling with the fear and hope of your future, and what this world will be like around you. 

Why?

Well, I think of your grandparents (my mother and father), who both came here on the heels of the Civil Rights Movement, and the discrimination they endured as immigrants. We'll soon talk about that down the road. 

And of course, there are my experiences of growing up poor, from two immigrant parents, and of course, some of the things I've seen regarding inequality, gun violence, and more. Looking forward to that as well.

And really, how, - well, at least from my side of the family for which I can speak for - has endured life from this social justice lens because of experience.  

I'm afraid, because I don't want that life for you. I don't want the discrimination experience, the stereotype anxiety, the thought of losing friends or people you know to gun violence, or, to live in a world where things such as "active shooter" drills are as common as 4th period lunch. And they already are...

I also don't want that life for myself and your mom, knowing these things are real in our world now - constantly in worry, forever in fear, hoping for your safety. 

But I do find solace in what I saw today. That this generation, and the generations to come are in fact aware and mobilized to and for the lives of the many throughout this country. That very belief in democracy, in protest, in change, and overall, in the power of standing up for what you believe in. 

I can't even begin to imagine what the history books will say about this time when you are in fact reading this, but I do hope for a better world for you - for us. Not one of gun violence, bigotry, and hate. 

I fear for your future, but in many ways, I hope you embrace it, and stand not for what is simply comfortable for you in privilege, but for what you believe is overwhelmingly the right thing. 

In all of the fear we begin to prepare ourselves for, I know your mom and I can find hope in that.

Sincerely,

Your ready-to-internalize-and-hide-more-worries Dad

Recent Favorites

Turning 39 - One Last Go-Around in My 30s

I turn 39 today, and everything I read in regards to such a "milestone" is that it's dealing with the anxiety of turning 40. The big 4-0!  Yet, I sit here punching the keys completely unaware of fears, trepidations, and emotions towards the future. Instead, I find myself immersed in the present - in exactly that, 39. I also find myself slightly looking back on the road to get here - my final year in my 30s.  I look back on my thoughts on turning 30 ( Praying on a Cool Thirty ) and, ironically, I very much vibe and can feel the essence of where I was at the time. At the time, turning thirty meant a whoooooooooooole sort of different expectations and responsibilities. I am in that same place - a center of gratitude for the journey. My 30s have been a ride.  For me, I became a father, and I lost my father. I lost one of my best friends, yet, I gained another in my son - and then a second one just recently. I finished coursework on my second Masters degree, and I also watch

Quick Ponder: Health, Happiness, and Tina Turner

Moving into  this phase of  health, my family's happiness,  and that Tina Turner "Proud Mary" transition-dancing kind of joy.

Trump Conviction: Hard to Describe This Time in History

You just have to shake your head at the reality of the situation.  A former President of the United States was just convicted - on several counts - of a crime.  It's the kind of thing, even in a post-Trump Presidency, where even strange things seem normalized, going too far is desensitized, and you ultimately laugh hysterically at the uber strangeness to suppress the sadness, that even this - THIS! - is still attention-grabbing.  It's no secret if you follow this site - I'm no Trump supporter. I understand why voters elected him in 2016 and struggle to understand why so many stay with him through it all for a 2024 campaign.  We've reach a new level where American voters will outright neglect crimes, and vote to elect a convicted felon as President of the United States. It's quite hard to describe this time in history.  Yet, here we are.  Several other quick thoughts:  I still wonder whether Trump wins or loses, how does the Republican party move on after Trump? I do