Usually when I'm flustered or confused, it is here on this very blog in which I receive my best therapy. There aren't many things in life that I do overly well or I would claim to be my "thing", but punching the keys is that one thing I could say I do "alright" in. Words come very easy to me when I sit in front of a blank screen with a blinking cursor.
This week has been a tough one. Not because I didn't have the means or inspiration to write. Nor did I suffer from sort of periodical writers block, which happens to the best of us. No, this week I've unfortunately been going through a period where mental and in someways, spiritual fatigue as engulfed me. Not in a tiring way, but in a way of simply having a collapse of what I thought I knew. About this world. about life. About everything.
We all go through it from time to time. Usually, every so often something like this occurs, whether it's an aging milestone, a tragic happening, a life-changing event, or simply a series of events, life does this to us. It causes us to push the rest button, take a step back and to reexamine things. To reexamine life.
This past week, I've struggled with my faith in humanity. I know I've thrown that phrase out before in satire or to poke fun at a situation, but this week, all moral and foundation thinking I once had was suspended.
I've struggled with believing in good, and struggling with the question of why do good things happen to good people? And mostly, why is this world so evil and unfair at times?
At a time where I see my parents struggle with an unpaying tenant who has literally flipped their lives upside down, to the recent shootings of innocent victims at an LAX airport in Los Angeles an the many, many stories in the news on injustices and wrongdoings, to the small things such as ostracizing co-workers, or even that random person who stares at a pregnant woman swaying violently in anguish on a crowded Subway train as he sits comfortably with his bags in the seat next to him, it all makes the idea of being positive, being engaging and available, and helping mankind, all feel like an empty vessel. Or at least, a fictional moral block to live by.
It just seems like we live in a society right now that is so geared towards self and taking the low road, that integrity is no longer a necessity, or at the least, expected.
It feels as if the world has become this large free-for-all where the power of good has been devalued - a lot. It has become a place where the idea that those who are trying to do the right thing, those who do indeed do the right thing, and those who are generally good people, sometimes succumb to this free-for-all as victims.
It feels as if the world has become this large free-for-all where the power of good has been devalued - a lot. It has become a place where the idea that those who are trying to do the right thing, those who do indeed do the right thing, and those who are generally good people, sometimes succumb to this free-for-all as victims.
I've prayed for understanding and peace heavily this week. Because, to be honest, I need it. I really do. It's rare I ever feel overburdened, as I always (and will always) feel like God doesn't give you anything he doesn't feel you can handle.
Somehow, this week I broke.
As I ponder on a world filled with liars, cheats, deceit, and pure evil, all while knowing that there is a good chance that those people win a few battles, it scares me. It scares me as an individual, as a husband, as a son who now takes care of his parents, and as someone who someday will bring a child into this world. It flat out scares me.
The good versus evil concept is one that has always perplexed me. Once again, this week, as evil decidedly won, the concept broke me and left me in admitting fear.
I'm sure there is a reasoning for this time and thoughtful period, and I'm very positive that God is using me and this learning experience for a reason, but as of right now, as of this very writing, I'm struggling to make sense of it all.