I know - I know what you are thinking? Infinity and Beyond Bracket? Well, yes. I like the Toy Story series a whole lot. Shoot me. Anyhow, as the title says, let's get to another round of the DP Clash. Once again, this is all for fun people. Don't take it too seriously as some did the initial post. If you missed the first post, check it out - DP Clash - 1st Round (MSG Bracket).
|#1 Jason Bourne vs. #8 Coach Eric Taylor
Some of you might know Coach Eric Taylor, and well, some of you, unfortunately (you poor things), may not. Eric Taylor
is was the lead character on Friday Night Lights, the TV Show, which was so wrongfully cancelled. Stupid NBC. And for those of you who are new to the DP, just take a look at the banner and a browse around some of the posts and you'll know that yours truly is obsessed with the FNL series - book, movie, and TV show.
Nonetheless, is there anything Coach Taylor can't do? The guy is a man amongst men in the fictional town of Dillon, Texas. A "Kingmaker" they say, molding high school boys into men through the game of football. From Jason Street's paralysis, to turning Vince Howard's life around, to being the ultimate family man without being sappy the way most father-figures are on television, Taylor is pretty much - a man's man. I'd want to be Eric Taylor. Who wouldn't?
Then again, no matter what odds Eric Taylor has surpassed or overcome in his five season in Dillon Texas, he's never seen anything like Jason Bourne. No one has. In fact, Jason Bourne has probably been to Dillon, Texas, has played for Eric Taylor, been to Buddy's after a Friday night win, attended one of the Taylor's famous pre-season cookouts, and no one would have known. Not even Coach, who usually has his pulse on everything.
Bourne is just that good.
Result: The man with a trilogy named after him.
|#4 Snooki vs. #5 Katy Perry
#4 Snooki vs. #5 Katy Perry
An intriguing match-up. Both have pretty poor taste in selecting guys. Both always seem to clog our news feeds and are constant billboards in the form of tabloid magazines at grocery store checkouts. Both shamelessly love the attention. Both have somehow captivated our society into caring about their personal life.
Only difference - Katy Perry has talent
Result: Katy Perry advances.
|#3 Adele vs. #6 Guy Fieri
#3 Adele vs. #6 Guy Fieri
Let's just get past the ridiculous hair-do and the awkward wrist band he wears with casual clothing for a minute - Guy Fieri has a pretty cool job. He get's to drive around the nation - in a pretty sweet ride, I might add - and try different foods from the best Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives (just gave the guy a cheap plug) in America. He might be sort of annoying at times, but ultimately makes for a solid host, and even does his best with the silly "Win It in a Minute" gimmick show.
As for Adele, she hit her stride in 2011-2012 with her latest album. She cleaned up at the Grammys, is now lauded for her powerful voice, and is also a sympathetic figure in her story to overcome an illness that could have wrecked her career. And I'm sure you may have your opinion as well, as I usually debate with my friends, Adele is a very attractive woman. I'm sure you now have made your opinion on that.
Nonetheless, if you can pull off highlights in your forties and a random arm band with a polo, you my friend, have mass appeal.
Can't argue with that.
Result: Guy Fieri
|#2 Tim Tebow vs. #7 Detective Elliot Stabler
#2 Tim Tebow vs. #7 Det. Elliot Stabler
Talk about opposites, these two are surely the example of that. Detective Elliot Stabler, the quick tempered and often emotionally-driven abusive detective from Law and Order SVU up against America's most controversial athlete. I can only imagine the duel going down like this:
1 Police Plaza
New York, NY
April 26th, 2012
*Duhn - Duhn*
Stabler: You want to explain your intentions the other day?
Tebow: Sure. Let me just say, I'm really excited to be here, and I'm really excited to be a New York Jet! This is an awesome place, and I couldn't be happier with the decision. I'd like to thank...
Stabler: Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! How about we just answer the question, okay?
Tebow: Sure! I'm excited to.
Stabler: Good. Now...
Tebow: I'm here to be the best I can be. Here to help the Jets win and I'm really excited to get going.
Stabler: [Stands up, tosses chair against wall, and begins to raise voice] Listen, you little punk! You obviously think this is a game! This isn't some stupid football game. Now where is she?!
Tebow: I'm really excited to help you! But I'm not going to address those questions. I'm here to answer questions about the New York Jets.
Stabler: [Now furious, grabs Tebow by the collar, slams him to the ground, and places his knee across his throat] You better start talking! Where were you yesterday around 7:40am?
Tebow: I'm really excited you asked that question! I was in Florham park working out with the guys just having a good time. I just love being around my teammates! I was there working out. I threw some balls to Santonio and just looking to impr...ugggghhhhhuhugugg!
[Stabler now pressing harder on his throat]
Stabler: You must think I'm a fool you stupid son of a....stop lying! You can't throw a football, nor complete a pass. I know who you are. Now where were you?!
[In walks Skip Bayless]
Bayless: Hands off my client! Tim, we're done here. [Turns to Stabler] And you will be hearing from us. How dare you put your hands on a future Hall of Famer!
Tebow: I'm excited we had this talk Mr. Stabler! This was fun. I'm excited to one day return and pick up where we left off. God Bless you guys!
[Stabler turns to double sided mirror, shakes his head, and shrugs]
On the other side of the mirror? Mark Sanchez.
Result: By way of Skip Bayless assistance - Tim Tebow